Its been so long

Blogging is more like my diary.
After so long I finally read back my posts few months ago
I was so afraid that I cant adapt to my college life but...it turns out totally different haha
It was quite a fun time during my 1st semester ^^

Looking back at my old posts
Am I really that in love with her last time? :\ I keep asking myself whats so special about her than the others...I don't even know the answer to that...
I remember 1 of my friend ask me what TYPE of girl I like..hmm...I don't know :\ as long as the timing is right i guess...
thinking back about high school...all I know is play and not think about the future (sigh) such a fun time...

Watched PEARL HARBOR in the afternoon just now...And its so sad to watch :\ no matter how many times I watch it...its still nice =)

My semester 2 is starting soon, looking forward for those kitchen classes ^^

I had so many dreams about you and me, happy endings, now I know. That i'm not a princess, this ain't a fairytale.

I think it's all hurt inside. How to fix it back?

SURPRISE, RYAN POON? MY B1 :D

You need to get ready and prepare for your college already, okay? Stop playing around, time to study :) We might not get to meet each other often anymore but, miss me and don't forget me okay? :)

You know who is this,

bye. :D

Love you guys ^^

One day trip.

Tiring and fun =D

Hope our friendship will last like this ^^

But most probably will lost contact during college days :\ hope not

Hope we can be friends till we old ba..thn can intro you guys to my future kids LOL!!

'ah zai..this Uncle Weng last time ponteng with me when school taking last year class photo. Thats why we not in it!'

'ah lui...got guy probs ah? ask Auntie Sam. She last time always help me with my relationship problems.'

'I smoke now because of Uncle Yuan..he taught me how to smoke last time'

'Uncle Bert last time always blur..so we always kacau him'

'And Uncle Lin always change chinese song lyrics into vulgar lyrics and sing it'

hmm...dont know what to write for Rong ==

but still..fucking love him ^^

love all of you guys!!!

*Poof*

Hmm..i upgraded my blog..thn can see view counters =D
and i dont know why..
this post have 7,981 Pageviews 
http://ryansmiserablelife.blogspot.com/2010/05/i-love-you-my-baby-girl.html
wth? ~.~

well...at least i know i'm not blogging to the air xD

So sad....

Its 5:25am =.=

don't know why i cant sleep

so i just surf youtube. i subscribed to this guy who tell his stories while playing maplestory...

i know i know...you probably saying this 'maplestory? wtf? small boy ah?'

i like listening to his stories..its sometimes nice! and kinda funny ^^

anyways..i stumble upon this video...and its a really really sad video...

i actually erm..kinda..tear-ish :\ shut up! i have feelings too! D: dont judge me! lol

here's the vid

don't have to watch the video..just listen..

College

New enviroment, new friends...

Hopefully still will keep in touch with my current friends

so everytime I hang out with them, I will hang out like its the last time that I will ever see them

I forget where I heard this before 'Live like its your last day' << i prefer this then 'Live life to its fullest' cuz its much more meaningful and easy to understand

Life...what is life? how can I live life to its fullest when I don't even understand the meaning of it?

Few more days then my mum have to go for her chemotherapy...

Hopefully during those 5years nothing bad will happen ba

because i haven't make her proud of me

all this years the most closest to me is my mum

I always talk to her about stuffs. Stuffs that I don't talk to my dad or bro

Its funny how time really can change someone

I used to really hate my dad

But now I seriously appreciate him more then ever

Without him maybe I will just blur blur study shitty things that I don't give a fuck about and everyday working like lifeless dog without passion or anything..just blurface work all the way

Pa and Ma..1day I will make you guys proud of me. I know I always lets u guys down all this years of studying because I no interest in what i studying.

And now I'm studying culinary. Something that I really have interest in.

I owe this all to MIKE.

When I was 10/11

I was amazed that guys can cook other then instant noodles LOL

1st time and the last time I see you cook is Tomato Fried Rice

And just because of that simple thing

I loved cooking..although I'm not good at it because I don't really have the utensils for it :\

That day I texted you and say I wanted to start over again with you

and you kept saying I was drunk

I know you know I wasn't joking about it

I guess...I really make you lose your trust in me...

the next day when I woke up, weng and wai leong still sleeping

I saw my scar and it reminds me of you, then I got really upset and kept thinking why did I leave you that time...so i just keep drinking only :\

But atleast this scars remind me to don't judge someone so fast..especially my girlfriend

so I owe it to you and I'm sorry that you have to be that girl that I've hurt to make me realize that I was wrong.

21st March 2012 :)

It's Sam here to help Ryan to blog. I'm so the super duper sleepy already and he's forcing me to blog for him. Danggggg -.- Anyway, had a great day&night with Ryan and the bunch of best friends at Eastin Hotel on spm results day :) Sometimes, a small party with just few of your best friends is much more fun than having a big party with a bunch of not so close friends. Me and Ryan got addicted into mixing drinks, the bartender wanna be, haha! Miss that night, the games and the drinks already btw :/ Thanks for accompanied me to somewhere in the middle of night, you know where. :) Hopefully there's gonna be a night like this again!

New toys :P

Stupid face :D

At the park of Damansara Idaman in the middle of night. -.-

Good night.

The song just for you!

For sammy ^^

GG!

Continue study or Work.

all depends on result :\

if later i going out with sam they all..

play like theres no tmr

play like I'm not going to see them for a long time

Stop asking me to cut my hair please! TQ ^^

Finally did it :\

after so long..

my friends keep saying that i should break up but i keep waiting hope you will notice that i'm still there...but i guessed not D:

i think i send quite a long msg to break up lols

good? bad? who cares rite? its over haha

texted her(not exgf) yesterday but i think she stressed gua :\

dont really dare to talk to her anymore cuz last few weeks she very very VERY angry at me

just woke up then i saw sam's tweet D:

everyone have secrets...tried to hint u to give up liao...

so stop torturing yourself k? no more bf/gf..friends will always be there for you =)

...DAFUQ?!

D: i always look around me..im getting so paranoid...

someone is stalking me :'(

her name is Samantha Cheng..beware!

lol jkjk

last thursday went out with sam,weng and sharma ^.^

its really nice to see them after so long haha

i cant really remember why...but dono what they say then I emo

so i went to buy ciggy

mana tau 1day I smoke so much :\ more thn 10sticks d..omg

say Rachel at mcd oso =) wanted to hug her but it will feel awkward D: so i didnt

she like dowan talk to me only..haiz

what kind of relationship am I in?

yesterday I read her blog...

and it fucking annoys me that she write xxx is gentleman? and not falling for him?

seriously? are you fucking kidding me? ==

if your not falling for him then write the name la

b4 I couple with you..I know this day will come..

and yet I still chose to be with you

thought you might be the one...haiz

and you wrote that you hope your phone stop receiving messages cuz you want to study

sure thats why I rarely even text you cuz your always studying..which is good

but when your not...do you even have the slightest thought of me in your head?

I guess not...

My friends always say your not appreciating me and blablabla

do you know why I ignore them although their my bestfriends?

cuz I fucking love you..dont you see? i guess not rite?

is it the end of our relationship? should I end it? should I wait? I seriously dont know..

I leave it all to you

listening to this song when writing this post lols <3

delayed muscles? ~.~

yesterday went to the gym at my house with kin weng...

and this morning only start feeling the sore on my muscle lols

after gym-ing thn he say wan go swim but i didnt cuz i lazy haha

he swim half way thn suddenly tell me got dead bird in the pool...wtf ><

poor dead bird :\ still very young de..no feather..

i wonder why girls always never make a move first...

why do thy always have to wait for guys to make a move? ==

even if the guy makes his move..she doenst reply at all zzz

haiz....

tmr going centerpoint yumcha with weng and soh poh samantha xD jkjk

thn hopefully i get to sit down and talk to HER ba...its been so long since we talked :\

few months maybe...

Chickened Out D:

i dono why i suddenly dont feel like working...

i changed my mind the last minute maybe cause I'm scared :\

i never experienced it b4...and its something i'm really really uncomfortable with..haiz

i feel like me and her starting to text a lil bit more <3

but i dono whn can i see her again =(

we live so near yet so far ><

last week i only have a glimpse of her..

but its satisfying for me

i think im going crazy over her..

always thinking about her

dreaming about her

wish can hold u in my arms rite now and can play with your finger haha

(Insert random words here)

Yesterday started talking with Kah Ai about me and my gf first de...

thn ended up we argue =(

That night b4 i go out to yumcha with friends i saw a sms from HER! <3

she say 'Goodnight. Sleep early arh.' ^.^

i get too happy about small things =.=

the feeling is really nice when someone you love suddenly text u

but i always hate it when she type ttyl when its always i talk to her later...

its more like she mean ttml zzz

saw her tweet saying ' when only u can stop showing me yr childishness? i hate childish ppl between. -_-'

which is me i assume :\

maybe i am childish...i don't want to grow up so fast! i still wanna be a kid and enjoy

today went to The Curve with my sister to find job D: 1st time

abit scared scared cuz i never work b4

ask few shops only..thn i go in Secret Recipe to ask for a job vacancy lo..she straight give me paper and fill in form o_O

after filling in the form she ask me wait...wait kinda long thn she come interview me d..eeks ><

5bucks per hour...better thn nothing rite? :\ thn whn interviewing she ask if my parents let me work anot..got transport anot...thn she say '1thing i wanna say is...your hair. we will give u cap to wear but hide your hair.' LOL!!!!!

but b4 tht i saw a shop..looks nice and classy. my sis say tht restaurant is linked to the hotel de..whn i ask them for job vacancy, thy ask me to come back tmr on office hours. ><

if thy only let 18+ year old ppl work thn i'll be working at Secret Recipe ba...

after finding job d thn me and sis walk back...so tiring! =.= why must my condo be on top the hill?! ><

we tapau dinner to hospital to visit my mummy =) she looks fine hehe very happy de lols not those sick sick mau mati punya patient ><

thn my cousins came and visit her lo

thn the same guai lan cousin from australia(kee chong) kacau me again about my gf =.=

he say 'where your gf? why never bring again?' thn i just shy shy speechless and smile lo

thn he continue say 'i even know her name.' thn say ask my mum if she know my gf name anot

my mum just say 'haiya. bring for wat? if relationship serious de only bring come see me' LOL!

i left my com out whn i go visit my mum..whn i come back i saw samantha skype me and say 'IM SO THE HAPPY' o_O i text both of her number and no reply...and i have no clue why she so happy...im so CURIOUS!!!!!!!!!

Skyping with Yi Lin now :\

(Insert random title here)

Me and you are like getting further and further apart :\

I dont know why...but I just feel like you are treating me really coldly

I always saw your comments to other people so much different then the way you chat with me

the other day i skyped with my frens and they were asking me why i dont want to break up with you

And I told them I'll just wait and see how it goes along...

but honestly I dont want to make the same mistakes I did last time..breaking up then regreting

I really like you alot and if possible...I dont wanna let you go

Last time I always easily get jealous and angry...so i tried to change for you

Sometimes I still get a little bit jealous but I just acted like nothing happen

I dont know when can I see you again...I really really missed you

I finally understand how my dad feels

On the way to the hospital,me,sis and dad.

i forget how but my dad and sis started argue-ing

as usual and always i just keep quiet and llisten

my dad say my mum always stress cuz she asked us to do chores we always oso delay but we get it done

and my sister as always..defended me and told my dad what my mum told her the past few days

she say that I was always stressing her out but she was wrong

its all in her head only. she ask me to clean the wax on the floor I say wait but i still do it

and my mum told my sis that i was a good kid

just by knowing my mum say that i was a good kid i got so..erm happy? till i cried

cuz my parents are ALWAYS saying that i always never help out at home and always scold me

as usual my dad as always hard headed..

he just keep scolding say my mum stress cuz she saw my dad asking us to do thing and we delay, ending up my dad always angry

and i didnt know this...i always thought my dad cant sleep cuz its his personality

but when my sis and dad argueing in the car my dad opened up and tell alot things

but he was having financial problems...as a kid i dont know anything about it

but he said that he need to sell his properties and gold chain(from my grandfather) to support us

I've always hated him for I dont know what reason...But I never knew my dad was always this stress...he always cant sleep cuz his been thinking about ideas how to make his business grow bigger.

Maybe I dont want to go college and just start working my way up to be a chef..sure it will be hard to climb up but at least i can ease his burdens rite? maybe? I dont know..

my mum's surgery today is successful ^^

i was thinking i take a cab there by myself to visit her maybe tmr =)

Stop with the tears, wipe your eyes, clear your head. If he doesn't care, he's not worth all the pain.

Hello, its me again, Sam, to help Ryan blog here. Once again, dramas happened between me and his best friend. And he choose to leave this game, so, we're officially game over 1 month ago which is after a pool party to celebrate friend's and my belated birthday over classmate's house. To say the truth, I have no idea why did things turned out like this today. All i can say is, I do really love this boy eventho the feelings of him toward me has gone. I'm here to wish all the best for him, get a new girlfriend that knows him really well one day later and willing to treat him good like he's the most manja baby in the world and I'm satisfied. But right now, I really, don't know how to face this boy anymore. He can't just expect me to pretend like there's nothing happened and talk to him like usual. Stop telling me I'm just like your sister. I hate listening to this because you'll never know how much does it hurts me.

P.S : Ryan, you need to stay strong about the problems. Everything will be fine. You know what is it ;) I'm always here for you.

Haiz...i dont know what to do

Maybe I've been thinking too much lately
so i tried to start all over again with my gf =)
small talks and all those things...even just a small reply from her or a random comment i feel happy enough ^^

haiz...
samantha this few days not happy :\
cuz danny texted her when she is trying to forget him
she always help me thru my relationship or life probs..
but i cant even help her with just a small thing D:

Valentine's day is coming soon! ^^
hope she free on tht day ba
and...
also my mum's surgery...
she will be staying in the hospital on the 15th thn go for surgery on the 16th
i just hope tht the surgery go smoothly

going out to yumcha with WaiLeong! lols 2am now xD

so tired ahhhhhhhh...

i like to update my blog whn everyone think its dead ^.^
haha
cuz i'm always alone :\ i prefer typing out my feelings whn no one reading it hehe

this song describes me

So awkward...

Yesterday we went my aunt's house cuz my cousin going back to australia
Thn my sis bring her bf along lo...after my sis introed her bf to the family
thn my cousin KeeChong look at me for few secs..thn ask me 'your gf leh? har? at fb always see u in a relationship this this that that' OMG! ><
didnt know my cousins ntg to do at australia thn see my fb :\

Finally we chat for quite a long time ^^
thn b4 she went to do her hw she called me bibi
aww..my heart felt so warm hahahaha i know I'm weird
cuz because of tht 1word it makes me not as emo as i was
hahaha

p.s. I Love You Rachel <3

What a bad year :'(

so so many unlucky things happen this year
but i never got the chance to chat with u to tell u :\
i know your always busy and its kinda selfish asking this but...
can u teman me more? =(
i really really miss u..
its been so long since i chat with u properly..
always oso chat few mins only thn i gtg d

i just wish and pray tht my mum gets better..
hopefully she doesnt need surgery
its just the start of the year and all this things are happening..
*sigh*

I Miss You.....

this few weeks we didnt really chat as much as we used to
i know its not your fault. i know your busy with your hw and all =)
i know your trying very hard to get good results cuz u promised your bro and sis
but i feel so sad seeing u always tired everytime u come back from skool

i read your blog tht day..i'm guessing your saying your grandpa?
u are his granddaughter ma..let him celebrate together only lo....
maybe i don understand all this celebrating things cuz i never liked thm :\
just saying...

i miss the feeling of u being beside me and being able to hold u
miss it so much =(

actually i've been waiting for tht day to go out with u on the 14th de...
wait till so happy but u say cancel... tht time i'm actually really really sad D:

i get really really jealous about small things..i dont know why
i just tend to ignore it and never know about it
cuz i dont wanna lose u cuz of jealousy

sometimes whn i dont text u..cuz i sometimes dono wat to talk about
sorry =( don angry me about it k?

this song for u <3

i love u bibi =)